Is it nature’s design that every person is born with an inbuilt defence mechanism that keeps up a whisper to him, “Not me, not me…” We all know immortality is a phantasm but there is an associated exclusivity, “Not me, not me…not yet, not yet…” Why else would we stumble through the days, missing opportunities, unseeing the significant and bent upon logging meaningless moments. We seem to live like we are here until eternity.
On 12th June, 1993 ‘Beeji’ was murdered in the middle of the night, sleeping by herself, as she had done for some thirty years, in her 76, Idgah Colony home at Agra. The assailants tied her up with her own dusters and there were signs of struggle. Just the week before, Mom and Ruby had been there with her, getting the place done up and white washed. Between this event and the night of 12th June, I happened to pass through Agra by train. Every nerve told me to get off and look her up, there were practical issues. To this day, I regret not having the courage to listen to my heart. I was never to see her again.
On 30th April 2008, Aqseer lost her grandfather. He had fractured his leg and was not healing well. During one slot in that year’s NLSIU term, there was a crack of an opportunity to visit him at Hyderabad. She expressed a strong desire but we rationalized her out of it, suggesting a later, more convenient date. It was not to be.
I spoke with my senior school classmate and friend, Neeru Baijal a few times on the phone, while she was recovering from an eight year old lymphoma in 2005. I said I wanted to meet her. She thought I should come by when she is home from the hospital. I should have heeded my own head. On 11 June of that year, I got an early morning sms from her sister Preeti, saying Neeru had passed away the night before.
I have learnt that the perfect moment does not exist. Now. Now. Now. Now is all we have. If the heart is bursting with love, say so. If you admire someone, let them know. If someone inspires you, acknowledge the fact. If you sense someone’s pain and loss, reach out. The moment may pass, never to come back again.
All too often, we expend ourselves just hovering over plans. Plan to buy x; plan to meet y; plan to learn z; plan to try m ; instead, if we just picked up the phone and placed that dreaded call; punched that key in the ignition and fetched up at the intimidating door; chucked laziness out of the window and registered for the daunting class…….if only we agonized and weighed and debated a bit less and got on with it a bit more, we would be happier, better fulfilled, more useful.
It is simple maths. It is called the Law of averages. You have got to do a whole lot to build up an average much like the “sower” who has to sow first, to reap later. Sure, some seed will get swept away, some will be eaten up, and some will fall into thorns but a good number will also find fertile ground and bring forth a bounty.
Plain and simple therefore…..do not think too much, just do it!