If the technological revolution has transformed
man’s outer world, the metamorphosis of parental ideology has completely dyed
his inner milieu. Parenting may have been far more fun than it is today. It was less burdened with high expectations
and the endless modern, psychological analysis. The period of childhood has
come to be viewed as such a favoured time that kids are virtually lording over
their parents today.
There was a time when they functioned as an
extra pair of hands in the household, contributing in some manner to the family
assets. That may still be the case in the hinterland but in the urban jungle,
the ‘me’ factor is here to stay. The reason: it is far more significant in
aspiring, middle class families (like mine) to stay focused on how well the
children are doing rather than on who or what they are.
I am not surprised therefore when Aqseer and
Asawari ask me with an obvious and genuine bafflement, “WHY on earth would
anyone ever want to raise kids?!!” I am not sure. I do know that my parents
never gave it too much of a thought; it was just the done thing to marry and
make that leap of faith right away. I remember as a teenager, wondering if they
did not lead slightly dull and uninteresting lives, vowing to myself to guard
against it in future! I did not realize back then, the extent to which they had
given up their personal selves for me.
To come back to the question, why does mankind
even bother?! Children are a source of joy yes, but they are also massive,
gigantic stressors. In their teens and young adulthood, they can even be
nonchalantly brutal; reminding the anguished parent the exact number of times
they had voiced during the clamorous years the thought, “I wish I had not had
you!” As for the dampening effect on the couple’s friendship, well it’s no
secret that a great percentage of marital discord is centred over progeny
issues.
And yet the population clock only ticks faster!
There is this whole media and culture based huge deal, built around parenting
that all good people subscribe to. So even while modern parents lament the
fact, “We have just become ATM cards”, the truth is they would not have it any
other way. That is parenting for you and there is no way of knowing its
bittersweet joys without going through the associated labour. It’s like
learning to play the violin. There are mind numbing moments of frustration and
fatigue with brief snatches of wonder at the potential but once the latency
sets in, the notes prepare to flow. As the music surfs to a crescendo, well, that
is the moment when retrospective reminiscence and an enchanted gratification
set in.
So every minute is not happy girls but there is
this gleaming, silver edge to the occasional cloud born of love, believe it or not, that casts a spell and keeps the Homo
sapiens going.
Parenthood is a phenomenon you may get to relish
only in snatches while it is underway but the day you are way up enough to be
able to look back, you will be glad you kept your date with it !
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